I wanted to ask, but...

I went to the local watering hole -- the one with attractive ladies, as opposed to the one with overweight men -- tonight.

Much to my surprise, a rather forward offer was made to me within half an hour of being there, on behalf of an attractive girl by her not-so-attractive friend. I, like any red-blooded American male, said it was certainly a possibility. Unlike most American males, I said I wanted to know more about her first.

That apparently was some sort of turn-off. While her friend at one point still ended up in my lap -- her battles with gravity will one day be legendary -- nothing came of the original offer to "let her jump my bones."

I did start observing this duo, though, and it made me wonder greatly about what, exactly, women want. I'm sure philosophers and theologians will long debate this very question.

I'm generally a pretty respectful guy. I have a number of sisters (five, if you're counting), and I learned from that the importance of treating women with respect. I'm not overtly forward. I consider feelings. I, by watching the rest of my gender tonight, am not a man.

I watched guy after guy grope, fondle and otherwise touch these two girls for the rest of the night. Most frighteningly, I observed a bald fat man stroke the girl of the lovely lady who happened to be wearing a rather flattering green sweater. I observed hands smacking backsides. I saw guys move extremely close to these girls.

I wanted to ask why these girls permitted it. I wanted to know what possessed these fellows to be so presumptious. Most of all, I wanted to know why these gals didn't smack them flat across the face.

I didn't ask, thoguh. I wanted to ask, but I didn't. I don't know why not. I guess I'm a coward. I wanted to ask these girls to talk, too, but I didn't. I don't know why.

Thanksgiving Dinner

In the past few days, a number of acquaintances have asked how my Thanksgiving was. It's a friendly enough question that requires a fairly length response on my part.

For those who don't know, I'm the fifth child out of seven in my parents' family. Yes, we're Catholic. I know that's what you were going to ask next, so I'll beat you to the punch.

We're all at least 21 years old, with four of those children having children of their own. We still gather as a family, which is unique and wonderful and nuts all at the same time.

Here's what makes it nuts. Just take the original seven kids and two parents, and put them back into the home we had as we grew up in Northwest Ohio. My parents have more knick-knacks than when we were here. We're all bigger than when we all lived there together. It's a challenge.

Then add in spouses and significant others. Sprinkle in the grandkids. There's a healthy dose of noise as people are all trying to communicate. It's sort of like trying to have a conversation at a subway station during rush hour or discuss your innermost thoughts as the home team scores a touchdown.

In short, it's nuts.

It's great, though, getting to play with nieces and nephews. That's the payoff for coming back to Ohio, getting to play with them. There's nothing more satisfying in life than having a child simply happy you're there.

Dinner was delightful. Because of the limited seating availability, I swear every time someone got up for a new plate of food, someone else took their seats. I think that might be how the rotation worked, where you're counting on someone standing at all times. It's sort of like the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" game where one person has to stand, one has to sit and one has to lay on the floor.

Anyway, I'm glad I could come up for the holiday. It certainly reminds you what you're thankful for. There's nothing like family, for better or for worse.

Greener pastures

I've always described journalism as a calling to people. It's like the priesthood. If you're not devoted to it, it just won't work. If it ever stops feeling like the best line of work in the world, you should stop doing it.

I've hit that point with sports journalism. Don't get me wrong, it can be fun. Covering games and writing features can be some of the most rewarding work you can do. You get to know young student-athletes and record what they do. But for every minute you get to do the fun stuff, there are 10 minutes of designing pages, dealing with irate callers or answering calls so you can take a swimming meet.

Between that and an onslaught of frustrations with my current job, I'm getting out. I'm going over to the daylight side. I'm returning to my roots somewhat, going back to Lima (Ohio) to take a news-writing job covering Putnam County.

I'm looking forward to it. Will I miss sportswriting? Absolutely. Will I miss sports editing? Not for a second.

It's been a tough couple months since I moved to Delaware. We're talking about 60-hour weeks at a minimum and 80-hour weeks at the worst. I had two 18-hour days in the same week a couple weeks ago. I've been doing the work of two or three guys -- literally -- and I don't mean Larry, Curly and Moe.

Anybody who knows me knows I hate to give up. I hate to quit. It's not in my nature. But I'm also realistic enough to know that if I stuck around here much longer, I'd become such a bitter hack that I'd hate what I do. I don't want to hate journalism. It's all I've ever wanted to do since I grew out of the 5-year-old "I want to be a fireman" phase.

I'll send out the relevant contact information to those "on the list" once I find a place in my new corner of the state. I'm excited about the change. I'm excited about taking a writing-only job, and it'll be challenging to tackle new types of stories.

One of the most common reactions I've gotten at my current paper when I put in my notice was this: "News? How can you do news? You're a sports guy." First off, that feeds into one of my most frustrating stereotypes, that sports guys somehow aren't real journalists.

Second, it's worth mentioning that news jobs were what I'd chased coming out of college. My internship was in news. I wanted a news job out of college, but bless his soul, Lima News sports editor Paul Smith talked me into applying for his sports job.

It's been a lot of fun ever since, and it's taken me places I'm not sure news would have. I've seen the Browns' first game. I've covered a Georgia Southern-Furman football game in Georgia with a conference championship on the line. I watched Virginia Tech topple Miami last season. And at this moment I'm sitting in Ohio Stadium, awaiting the Michigan-Ohio State game in what might be the last football game I ever cover.

What a way to go out, huh?

Breaking the law

I've been a fugitive for the past two weeks. Like any criminal, I won't take the blame myself. I'll blame someone else... not my parents, or society, though. I'm blaming Chrysler Financial.

My Virginia license plates expired in August, which was fine since I was in Ohio by then. When I went to get Ohio plates, the nice lady at the DMV (never thought I'd use those words together) explained I needed the original title changed over from Virginia to Ohio. I got a temporary 30-day tag, and all was well with the world.

I left with the appropriate paperwork, which needed faxed to Chrysler Financial's offices. I spent about an hour on the phone -- "Your call is very important to us" -- waiting to find the appropriate fax number. Upon getting it, I faxed the information to their offices in Michigan.

Then I waited. A lot. When the 30-day period expired, I checked with the title office, which said they hadn't received the title yet. When I checked with Chrysler Financial -- "Your call is important to us" -- apparently my fax wasn't as important as my call. They couldn't find any record of my request to send the title to Ohio. I had to file another one.

Fine. I got another 30-day Ohio tag. I already had the fax number, so I sent it out to them again. Again, I waited.

Again, the tags came close to expiring. I returned to the DMV and found a woman not nearly as kind served me. She informed me Ohio wouldn't give me another set of 30-day tags. I could drive until they expired, then I'd be in violation of the law.

That's when I became a criminal. That's also when I became irate with Chrysler Financial -- "Your call is important to us." When I called to find out what the holdup was, they informed me they had no record of my request. At that point, I asked the person on the phone to MAKE a record of my request, and I had to fax them the same form for the third time.

That's when I became a law-breaker, on Nov. 5. My temporary tag expired, and my Virginia tags had long since become extinct. I decided to save myself trouble, I'd avoid driving on highways, just tooling back and forth to work.

Every time I saw a police officer, I panicked. I had one follow me for several blocks coming home from work, and I was convinced I was sunk. I doubted having an expired Virginia plate and an expired Ohio temporary tag would impress them, no matter the reason.

Fortunately, Chrysler Financial finally came through for me earlier this week. The title office received the title, and I found the time to go in there and get everything straightened out. I'm proud to say I'm a legal Ohio driver once again, complete with a driver's license (missed four questions out of 50... slipping from my old college days) and plates.

But for two weeks, I was a rebel... a lawbreaker... a fugitive, trying to avoid the man... Sadly enough, this is probably the best "me against Johnny Law" story I'll ever be able to tell my grandkids.

COMING SOON... A fairly major announcement on the job front.

Fun for the whole family

It'd been a rough week, and I've written an awful lot of words for work. So I've been avoiding unnecessary words...

You never know what you might find on the Internet.

Click here for a strange little program where you can look at the mascots for all sorts of different Major League Baseball teams.

I think my favorite might be San Diego's Swinging Friar.

Learning about me

You'd think as much time as I spend with myself, I'd know enough about me already. But that doesn't stop me from engaging in the occasional online survey.

Tonight I took one that was offered on a link from Yahoo personals (an experience all its own that I shall write about some day). After about a 10-minute survey, I'm convinced it knows more about me than many people I've dated. Its summary:
---
What Sets You Apart?
You enjoy spending time one-on-one with someone or being with a small group of close friends. Crowds drain your energy, while time spent alone or relaxing with a friend revitalizes you.
You have a natural intellectual curiosity and love to explore new facts and ideas.
You're overly modest at times and tend to sell yourself short.
You're an incredibly loyal friend and co-worker who's always thoughtful, polite, and available to help.

Individualists have a knack for innovation. Like pioneers, you have the potential to chart a new course and break new ground in your career and community. Not everyone will appreciate it, but you're a true original.
---
It was also nice to see that I am, in fact, not like other guys. In fact, only 4 percent of men have my personality traits. Another 36 percent are "very much like me." That means that 60 percent of men are not very much like me, and 96 aren't exactly like me.

I don't know if that's comforting or frightening. But it is accurate.

To wrap up this post, I can't say it any better than something else I just noticed on the site:
---
Individualists in Love
It's rare for an Individualist to be a Romantic. Your natural skepticism doesn't fit well with the leap of faith that romantic love requires. Then again, Individualists are always full of surprises. You're a rebel at heart, and romance is the ultimate rebellion against rules and rationalism.

Politics stink

The ads on TV keep getting more and more mean-spirited. Whether it's for president or dogcatcher, the ads are simply vicious. There are attacks based on personality, record and mere distrust. It's frustrating and sad to see.

After watching some of these, it really makes me wonder why anyone would ever get involved in politics in the first place. Opponents drag your name through the mud, often only telling half-truths as to what you believe and what you stand for.

I started thinking about this as I filled out an intriguing form called Candidate Match on the Columbus Dispatch Web site. It asks you a number of questions and, based on your responses, tells you how closely you align with each of the two mainstream presidential candidates as well as the Libertarian and Constitution party representatives.

The trouble is similar to what you see in the attack ads. You can pick a point of view, but you seldom get a reason to explain why. Take, for example, #4 on their survey: "Public schools across the country should be held accountable for their students' ability — or inability — to meet national achievement standards."

This is a two-pronged question, really. Are you speaking to the right of the national government to set standards? Or are you speaking of the accountability of local school districts to turn out good students who are ready for the modern world? These are two different questions that create two different answers in my mind.

My political leanings are a bit atypical. I classify myself as a Libertarian, which is to say I believe more in personal responsibility and smaller government than the role of the government to be a safety net for its citizenry. Similarly, I don't believe the government should have much control over what the people do and that we've unnecessarily ceded many rights to the government.

People hear Libertarian and think you're some sort of fascist or ultraliberal or ultraconservative, simply out of ignorance. I truly believe if more people took the time to read about the basic principles, they'd realize how moderate this point of view really is.

I discovered the party when I was in college, in a political science class. Having attended a state university, the professors all rushed past Libertarian and Constitution parties so they could spend more time uplifting the liberals and damning the conservatives. The ideas intrigued me from the start. Then, my first job was in a Libertarian-based newspaper chain (Freedom Communications), and I had a chance to see the real-world implications. I liked it even more.

I suppose this gets back to something that's bothered me about this election. It's turned into such a negative atmosphere. In the news-gathering business, there's no doubt there are a number of liberal-leaning individuals in the profession. It's bothered me to no end the amount of flak I get for not wanting to vote for John Kerry. One guy even offered me $10 to either switch my vote tomorrow or not vote at all.

One of the things I like about Libertarian belief is the thought that people should just do what they believe is right and just. I may not agree with you, but I'll respect your right to believe it. I think this basic belief is lost nowadays, though. It's certainly turned into a more "us against them" attitude in the world. It's been that way since the last election.

That brings me to another gripe about this election. There is obviously some anti-Bush sentiment in this country, and that's your right. The most common reason I've heard for it, however, is because "the majority" voted for Gore in the last election. Perhaps the people in the country need a government refresher course. We don't popularly elect a president in this country. It's not a direct election. We use an electoral college system. That means it's possible to win the popular vote and not win the electoral college. It's happened before, and it's by design. (For fun political reading on the electoral college vote, click here.)

If these people don't like the electoral college system, they need to rail against that, not the sitting president. All it will take is a constitutional amendment, and it's such a popular idea I'd be stunned if it didn't become law within an election or two if we acted now.

I'm reminded of something my high school football coach during my sophomore year used to say: "Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has them, and usually they stink."

So what's this come down to? You don't need my endorsement to make up your mind. You should consider the facts. You should vote with your heart, your conscience and your mind. You should have informed opinions and really consider what you think this country should be and who will take you there.

Most importantly, you should vote.