Football teaches what you need to know about babies

Football teaches what you need to know about babies

David Trinko dtrinko@limanews.com - 08.14.2007
High school football taught me everything I need to know about caring for a newborn baby girl.
It seems like a wild assertion, but it’s really quite true. I never would’ve guessed that those days of grunting in the summer sun would’ve led to such wisdom about swaddling and rocking a 6-pound, 14-ounce little girl to sleep. Apparently the coaches were right when they swore we learned valuable life lessons.
It started to come back to me Wednesday, when the fourth member joined Team Trinko. My mother gave instructions to one of my nieces on how to cradle the baby properly. Tuck the baby’s head into the crook of your elbow. Rest the weight of the child on your forearm. Cup your hand around the other end. Pull her in close to your body, and don’t ever let go.
It sounded all too familiar. I’d heard those same steps on how to hold onto a football without dropping it. Suddenly the voice of my high school football coach entered my head: “Trinko! If you drop that baby, the whole team’s going to have to run!”
That’s when the parallels between child-care and football really hit me. Or perhaps it was just the realization that I’m hopelessly outnumbered three-to-one by women now in our home. The only other male in the house is our dog, and he hasn’t had most of his boy parts since he was a puppy anyway.
Whatever the reason, August is a time to ramp up for football and the new baby alike in our household.
· If you want to play, you have to have the right equipment. Cribs, playpens and changing tables are absolute requirements. If you don’t have limitless energy to rock her, you need to pick up a swing (as we learned Sunday). If you’re planning for an away game, you’d better have a diaper bag packed with one complete change of clothes for each hour you’re going to be away.
· It’s all about the hydration. No one’s so tough she can do without proper hydration, especially a newborn. Gatorade’s not an option here, boys. You’d better get used to the distinct odor of Similac and Enfamil. You’ll also want to learn how to mix it in your sleep, or that 5 a.m. feeding will kill you.
· Two-a-days are where champions are made. You can try joining the team once the games begin, but you’ll be exhausted by the end of the game. If you really want to succeed, you need to suffer through every moment of two-a-days, err, the pregnancy. A screaming baby at 10 p.m. is nothing if you’ve already heard a hormonal woman question if you really loved her between bouts of sobbing. Changing a diaper in the dark is cake if you’ve already built a bassinet without directions because someone was so sure she’d never have another baby that she threw away the directions but wasn’t sure enough to throw away the bassinet.
· Save your time outs for when you really need them. I’m fortunate enough to take two and a half weeks off work to help out while my wife recovers. I’m so glad I didn’t squander my sick time on sniffles and sneezes. If I had, I would’ve missed classic moments, such as our 6-year-old trying to feed the baby or the newborn’s bowels releasing on my arm after her first bath.
· Enjoy the game. Your playing days are numbered. It won’t last forever, even if it seems endless sometimes. But these memories will stick with you for a lifetime.
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