Reflections on fatherhood

Tonight I shared some exciting news with my siblings... my wife is pregnant.

The response, albeit predictable, was a bit disappointing.

I heard from many of them that I was going to be a great father. I heard that I was loving, caring and compassionate enough to guide a child to a healthy childhood.

But that was somewhat disappointing to my ears. Perhaps the greatest success in my life so far is that Lissie, our 5-year-old, calls me "Daddy." I share no genes with Lissie. She is literally some other guy's child. But in the same token, I'm her daddy. I'm who she goes to after a nightful of tears from bad dreams. I'm who takes her to a movies when her mother's not in a spectacular mood. I'm who made her breakfast this morning.

It's not for credit that I mention these things. It's almost to defend my relationship. The natural response when it's noted she's not my daughter is "he takes good care of her." "He appears to take care of her." No. None of that's true. I love her, as I will love my potential son or daughter. I don't think any less of her because I wasn't a part of her conception. I pray she doesn't think any less of me either.

So I hope you'll forgive me if I don't respond well, if you tell me the joys of fathering a child. I accepted that when Jessica and I fell in love. I already know what it's like to be a child's father, and I wouldn't trade those "I love you daddy" comments for anything in the world.

Single father

I've been a single father for about 30 hours, and I hate it.
Let me explain. My wife's out of town for a seminar in Columbus. So, while she's gone, I'm playing the role of the single father.
I can handle our 5-year-old just fine. We get along splendidly, and we've had some fun. She's finally mastered the art of playing her "War" card game, and she's got a great sense of humor.
Still, it's not the same thing as having a wife. I missed not having someone to bounce my day off of. I missed having someone who'd tell me, "You're right about that," or "Stop whining!" when I explain details of the day.
It also makes me appreciate what my wife does each day. I end up having the time to blow off steam at home and enjoy myself. I'm not seeing that same time since I'm trying to do both roles.
The real disappointment is the loneliness I feel. Aside from a few days when I went to North Carolina for work, I simply haven't been lonely since we met. I can't wait for her to get home.

My daughter's a genius

I hate jigsaw puzzles.
I'm just not able to look at the missing pieces and think to myself, "That one right there will make this work just fine."
I just don't think like that. I have to look at the picture on the box and try to find a piece that's very similar to the one next to it. I have to build the outside border first. I can do a lot of things, but I just can't visualize how one abstract piece fits into that bigger picture with a jigsaw puzzle.
Lissie, on the other hand, takes after her mother. They both excel at jigsaw puzzles. They rock at them. Lissie can just pick up a piece of the puzzle and instinctively guide the piece where it needs to go. She sometimes will try to put it in upside down, but she knows where it belongs, even if there's nothing else nearby.
So aside from bragging about my brilliant family, what's my point?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ways different people manage different situations. What I've found is most people think their way of thinking is the only way to solve a problem. They become frustrated or angry if someone else offers a solution in a way that doesn't fit their preconceived view of the world.
There's two ways you can handle that. You can become frustrated and irritable, demanding that someone else does it exactly the way you see fit.
Or you can realize that my daughter's a genius. She finds her own way to solve a problem, and I'm proud of her for that. I'll continue to support her, however she wants to try it.